i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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