its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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