that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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