Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
