Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
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No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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