he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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