Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize