Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize