She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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