Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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