My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
