He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
