when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
