his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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