Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
