The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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