I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
