I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
