Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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