I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
