Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
