wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
