Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There's even glitter on my cock...
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