Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just made out with a guy for $7.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
