Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
