Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
