im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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