On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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