We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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