so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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