i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
