He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
