i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
