Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
