So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
