I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
