Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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