but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
