Taylor Swift is so right about you.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Green mimosas i think yes
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Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
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I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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