I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Don't make out with my wife yet
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
