My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
