Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we have pet lesbian snakes
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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