It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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