i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
