I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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