that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We have so much sex to catch up on
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
