didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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