1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
