some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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