Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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