Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
