it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
