i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
