I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
