i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
