Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
