I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
