I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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