don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
