He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
