So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
