WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
