I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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