it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
