Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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