Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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