He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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