# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Pants 0. Shit 1.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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