...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
