Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize