I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
