I need help removing her.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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