thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
