One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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